A STORY OF OVERTHINKING

Mentally, I knew that he wasn't the person for me. I came to that realization over and over again.

How could he be? The lack of healthy boundaries, the lack of honesty, and the fact I was giving up my self-respect all told me that there was no way this could be the love of my life. Yet, I marinated in this state of hope and pain and drama for longer than I'm willing to admit.

... why?

In my mind, I knew this relationship wasn't where I wanted to be. But I was attached - I couldn't make myself take the steps that would get me out of this situation.

The sheer amount of mental gymnastics required to think myself out of this painful situation was astounding, and I was exhausted.

I would go on long walks, fuming, and mentally affirm to myself statements that seemed as though they should be empowering...

"I deserve to be loved."
"I know my boundaries."
"I am capable of stating my needs."

I hoped these new thoughts would be enough to get me to take a new set of actions, but my body just wouldn't get with the program.

MIND AND BODY

Despite my mental affirmations, my I felt almost unbearably frustrated. My mind sought to rationalize and endlessly problem solve - how would I get out of this relational mess?

The worst part when I would think I had it all figured out: I would come to some realization and know exactly what I needed to do, I'd feel empowered in my resolve, swear to myself this was the end...

... and then I would wake up the next day right back where I started - trapped in my patterning and unable to make a change.

YOU CAN THINK ALL YOU WANT BUT....

So much therapy and self-development works from a top-down approach. (Meaning we start with our brain and try to inform how we feel through rational methods that endeavour to change our thoughts.) We make big to-do lists for how we will change (guilty)... we list out our beliefs and we rationalize, and we try to find the most logical solution for how we should move forward. We put our brains to work to solve the problem.

We might even find the solution in our mind - but do you notice how rarely it sticks?

When it comes to attachment and survival, our physiology runs the show - we cannot exclusively think or talk our way into change.

THE BODY HAS IT'S OWN PROCESS

New ways of being, such as having 'better boundaries' or more 'self-love' also require physiological changes (in the form of new neural pathways), which also means they require time and repetition to integrate. We can use our minds to support and direct our energy, but we cannot solely think our way into changing our behaviour... we have to also feel our way into it through the body.

Our body doesn't rationalize, it shows us a mirror of our subconscious experience.

Our body speaks to us, and plays out our conditioned programming over and over until we acknowledge, interrupt and transform it.

CREATING NEW PATHWAYS

Luckily, we have everything we need inside to build the neural scaffolding that allows us to move differently, to make new choices and to see new possibilities.

We can begin to entrain to a sense of safety, love, connection, belonging, and self-esteem.

When we inform the body, this shift happens naturally, and without the constant effort of self-control.

YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM IS PROTECTING YOU

Have you ever known exactly what you need to do, but you just can't seem to make yourself do it?

Picture being depressed and having well-meaning friends tell you to just go for a walk. It seems so simple, you know it would likely have a positive impact on your mental health, but every fibre of your body freezes you in place and you just stare at the door, unable to move a muscle.

This is your nervous system in action.

It can be so discouraging to try and try, over and over again, to be different than we are. We hear so much advice from social media and well-meaning friends, family and counsellors who decide they know what we need. We know mentally what might help us, but we are frozen in place - staring at the door.

It's not that we aren't powerful, resourceful beings with the capacity to grow and change (we are).

Our brains and bodies are just doing their absolute best to keep us safe, connected, and protected according to their (sometimes outdated) understanding of the world.

WE'RE CONDITIONED TO RECREATE

We have spent a lifetime (and generations) developing automatic responses and mental frameworks for our world that influence our behaviour and decisions continuously and subconsciously.

If our subconscious understanding of love is chaos, we will recreate that chaos and call it love, until we change the patterning.

Somatic therapy represents a paradigm shift in modern therapeutic approaches because we start with the body, the environment, and the relationship... not the mind.

Unlike traditional talk therapy that primarily focuses on cognitive processes and verbal communication, somatic therapy integrates a bottom-up approach, prioritizing bodily sensations, movements, and energetic awareness as avenues to explore our relationship with ourselves and the world.

The body stores memories, emotions, and traumas as implicit beliefs, and our nervous system carries intergenerational instructions for staying safe in this world.

WE'RE ALWAYS SCANNING FOR SAFETY

Every second of every day our HPA axis is filtering our environment and scanning for safety. So our body holds all that has happened for generations, and it works hard to keep things the way they are. It also is constantly measuring our current environment in relation to our subconscious understanding of ourselves and the world.

Do you see how our well-meaning affirmations have little sway over the complexity of our long-held survival strategies?

This is why somatic therapy works primarily with the body, including the nervous system and our attachment system, focusing more on what we notice than what we think.

MOVING INTO TRUSTING OURSELVES

In somatic therapy, we trust that the body innately knows how to release what needs releasing. We learn that we naturally recognize the felt sense of wholeness, peace, and relaxation when it shows up, if only for a moment.

In this place of deep listening, our awareness can help shift these sticky cycles of conditioning, and entrain us to connection and possibility.

Into this new spaciousness, we can envision new possibilities and ways of being that emerge naturally, without the mental gymnastics.

It's more of an intuitive exploration than a mental process, although our mind provides information and helps us to make meaning from what emerges.

With that said, here is a free video offering - a 5 minute practice you can explore right away to shift from overthinking to spaciousness. Hold this practice lightly - just follow the instructions, and notice what you notice.

TEACHING OURSELVES A NEW WAY FORWARD

We all find ourselves in painful cycles, whether it's heartbreak or anxiety or depression - it's part of being human.

Mentally, we might know exactly what we need to do to shift those cycles, but find hard to actually follow through. New thoughts don't necessarily mean new actions.

Our body is simply doing what it's always done, which makes sense right?

When we start from the bottom-up, we influence our mind through our physiology.

We can give ourselves cues of safety, connection and relaxation through the afferent neurons of the vagus nerve, informing our mind through our body. (i.e. the body feels relaxed, so the mind says 'cool, we're relaxed.')

IT'S BETTER TOGETHER

I am passionate about walking with people as they learn how to identify and work with their somatic experience. I believe this information is important so we can all be with ourselves and one another through challenging times. Times when the mind is confused and overwhelmed.

At these times, it's so much easier to take those first steps towards the door when someone is holding your hand.

It is such a relief to allow a deeper intelligence to take over, and let our mind rest. If you resonate with this approach and would like support in your process of inner navigation, you can reach out for a consultation to discuss working together.

With appreciation for your process ~

Andree

1. Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy. WW Norton & Company.

2. Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma: The innate capacity to transform overwhelming experiences. North Atlantic Books.

3. Caldwell, C. (1997). Getting our bodies back: Recovery, healing, and transformation through body-centered psychotherapy. Shambhala Publications.

Read Next: 6 Essential Premises of Somatic Therapy

7 Techniques We Explore in Somatic Therapy Sessions

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